Have you ever went shopping and found the most perfect shirt for that night out on the town? Only trouble is that its not your size, but you’ve spent nearly the whole day looking for it, so you buy it anyway. You get home and put it on and its “alittle snug” but you still wear it out. All night long you feel really self conscious about it, like everyone is staring and not in a good way. Its like in life we want everything to be perfect but perfect over time starts to get tighter and tighter, and before long you can’t even fit into it. We have lives that look good on the hanger but when its tried on.. Its just all wrong and truth be told there really isn’t any room for us to breath. We spend our time and energy searching for that perfect thing, that ends up making us feel worse about ourselves. When did perfect become so tight and constricting?

Many people file there first relationship as their best one… The one that opened the door to the idea and possibility of love only to have it slammed in there before entry could ever be made. So is it really better to have loved and lost then to never to love at all?

If you really stop and think about it, before you ever start dating there was never that jaded trait that people acquire after their first treacherous break up. After the fact it evolves into “What did I do wrong?” or “What could I have done differently?” But truth be told just like every story book romance, there will be a story book breakup that follows soon after happily ever after crosses our minds. Disney just left that out to spare kids the trauma. In recent history (aka Brad and Jen) a breakup has become the gateway to adulthood as well as the gateway to greener pastures. But who honestly wants to sit and graze in Splitzville? The tales are the same and the reasons for the breakups never chance. “We just weren’t in the same place.”- Translation: Your partner was planted between someone else’s legs. Although relationships can be the most painful wounds ever inflicted without causing any real physical damage, we still flock back to them… and some people go in search for them. Is love the newest drug of our time? Can we just have it one time or must we keep going back to it… over and over? The Surgeon General has slapped warnings on everything that can cause us harm so why haven’t they put one on Love, letting everyone know that relationships may cause broken hearts. Not saying it will happen… but just in case so no one is surprised.

In todays fast-paced-always-on-the-go society, we sometimes mistake our commitments for commitment. But what are we actually accomplishing when we go ninety to nothing and what are we losing? There are the obvious accomplishments, you gain money, which means you gain socail standing, which means you gain power. But do most high society people actually enjoy there lives or do they just have the money to afford the medications to make them appear that way? Our lives may be simpler now rather then they were in the past, but the older generations still have a thing or two that we in our time will never have. They will know the true happiness that can only be reached from a long hard day actually doing a job, rather then transferring funds from one stock to another. Walking down the street even feels different in the past few years then it ever did before. It almost feels as though if you stop walking your life will run you over. Before you know it, the things you committed yourself to can start committing you. Stock markets may crash, company’s may be bought out, but living life and loving the bumps along the way… Well that my friend is just … priceless.

Commitment - is being sincerely binding youself to something

Commitments- is something that binds you to them

You know sometimes it all just feels so portrayed. Life, love, and just all of it. There are times I just wish that I could run away from all these things that come at me from all different angles. I know I’ve wrote a song titled “The Runaway” and I obviously didn’t like the guy that was in that song too much for the exact thing I’m talking about now… and I’m far from contridicting my own writings but it still seems all too tempting. I look around and see so many things I don’t like and I can’t change.  So is it just me…. am I the only one?? I ask myself this daily and still today I don’t have a straight answer.. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we hurt the ones we love? Is there really a such thing as “love” or is it all just our own individual needs for companionship. Is being alone really that lonely? I look through my writings and see how I always look so innocent and the one that is jaded, but now I’ll let everyone in on a big secret- “I’m not perfect. I make mistakes.” Hard to believe I know.. I play innocent so well that sometimes I think I even start to believe it. So from now on.. I think the writings are going to change a bit. They’ll still be me.. But perhaps I’ll actually show both sides “the jaded and the jader”. So I hope everyone likes what I’ve wrote so far and hope that everyone is ready for what is to come! Here is to new beginnings!

Hugs,
Damon

The tears you hide they won’t fade
This is the price that you’ve paid
Your heart is a vacant place
You fell in and out of grace
Your closets are far from clean
And you know all the things I mean

Just go. Runaway.
Run to your own hell
Hide from the pain that lingers here
Hide from the tears you know you’ll cry
Try to leave all your troubles behind
Embrace the new life that you’ll find
Give into all your doubt
Just runaway take the easy way out

Your strength makes you weak
I know you don’t trust what you speak
You give up when things start to turn to grey
Yeah but thats your way, Thats always been your way
You could fall and lay there forever
So just take your hit, break it down, your just so clever

Seems like I keep talking
And you keep walking
Over and over same bittersweet lies
Your such a stereotypical guy
Maybe I’m just a little too jaded
Or maybe its all just too faded
So take back your hand
You’ll never understand
Whats in my head, whats in my dreams
I’m as twisted as it seems

You’ll always be the one
Holding the smoking gun
No matter how far you runaway
It’ll still haunt you everyday
Just embrace the new life you find
You’ll never leave all these ghosts behind

Yesterday
Its too far away
Give up on this game you play
And stop running away

Everyday when school got out
I’d get off the bus and I’d run to your house
Sitting on the swing my heart ablaze
As you’d tell me about the good ole days
I still hear those stories you told to me
And I’m still the same as I used to be
And now I’m missing Mayberry

Life gets hard the farther that I go
But I don’t give up easy
And I don’t have far to go
But I can’t wait to get to that Mayberry I used to know
I’m not there yet but I know I’m on my way
Grandpa I’m on my way
You were everything I want to be
And all the good thats inside of me
And although I can’t see your face
Your still my one safe place
I feel you with me everyday
Even when the sky turns grey
I know I’m alright and that Its okay
Because I can feel you shining through
And I know just what to do
Theres always going to be those darkened times
But I’ll just shut my little eyes
And I can hear those stories about the good old times
And I know it won’t be long
Til I’m back where I belong

(V. 1)
Is this everything you wanted?
Is this everything you needed?
I gave you a home and you took mine
You wanted something of your own design
Hows it feel to fall?
To have to deal with it all
I’m not there, I’m not there
Let that echo deep inside
Your so hollow, watch it all collide
You got what you wanted
The memories leave you daunted

(Chorus)
Your love has come and gone
And its time that I move on
The chances I gave were thrown away
And still I find my way today
Unafraid
I took back all I prayed
I begged and pleaded
You were everything I thought I needed
Never thought I could be stronger
And I don’t need you any longer
All the hell I went through took its toll
But I’m still the one in control
The apologies are long overdue
And I’m well on my way to being over you

(V. 2)
With this ring you broke a heart
Look at the one you tore apart
I’m not the one you made me to be
But now your gone and I am free
No more names, no more bruises
Keep your lies, and excuses
I don’t need your touch to feel
I don’t need you to be real
When your gone I’m still here
I see it now.. Its all clear

(Bridge)
Must be hard to see a reflection that you don’t know
All the things you tried to hide all show
Everyone knows, Everyone sees
Your nothing but a disease
And the things you do, don’t affect me anymore
I walked out your door

(Chorus)
The love has come and gone
And its time that I move on
The chances I gave were thrown away
And still I stand here today
Unafraid
Taking back all I prayed
I begged and pleaded
You were everything I thought I needed
Never thought I could be stronger
And I don’t need you any longer
All the hell I went through took its toll
But I’m still the one in control
The apologies are long overdue
And I’m well on my way to being over you

Nobody’s there but a whisper
Nobody to hear me cry
The tears are there but they won’t fall
No one to understand at all
You were my world
You were my everything
Now your and I feel just empty
I have nothin left but doubt
I want to be me again
I want to feel alive
I’m nothing more now than broken
All the promises twisted into lies
I feel so low
Like I’ll never stand on my own again
Its not alright if only you could see me
You think I’m here but am I really?
I’ve become so cold
What if this lasts forever?
Inside I’m breaking
How did you become so strong?
Whats it like to feel nothing?
I lay here not moving
But it still hurt to even remember
I love you and it hurts me
I want you even though its gone
When will I feel again?
When will all the pieces come back together?
How could I be forgotten so easily
I’m still waiting
Waiting to know myself
I close my eyes and I still see it
The memories they haunt me
Killing me inside
Everything I feel is nothing
When does it stop hurting

I feel like the day is getting longer
I feel like the pain is getting stronger
I need relief from the life I lead
A new day is what I need
I just keep hoping that one day
Simple will come to stay

Every night I lay alone
The emptiness has grown
I want to feel love again
I want shelter from this rain
So I’ll keep dreaming of whats to come
Even though it feels so numb

Feels like I’m somewhere I’ve never been,
Like I fighting myself and I’ll never win
I keep hitting the wall
And I just keep taking the fall
I can’t find a solid piece of ground
So I’ll just keep wishing to be found

When will I find where I belong?
Is there ever going to be a day when its not all wrong
I will keep waiting til that day
When all the edges don’t fray
The day when I don’t break
When I don’t have all I can take

I make attempts but none prevail
I try so hard but I fail
I just keep wondering if its worth it
But no matter what I will not quit

This is not how it’ll always be
There is more out there for me
There are days I don’t wanna move
But I have something to prove
I’m going to survive this crazy life
I’ve pushed through all the pain and strife
And make myself look passed the fear and doubt
Now I know what life’s about
Little moments are keeping me from leaving
Little moments keep me believing

For Josh

<

Hey! I was wanting to tell everyone to go to my friends page.
He’s an awesome photographer, and apparently a damn good webpage designer.
He was the one that “influenced” me to get this one and then he did it for me…
So everybody should really check his page out. Thanks Ya’ll…

~D